My theme for 2012: Necessary Sacrifice

I know exactly what Arriane of Wanderrgirl means when she feels like she plans more than she actually produces. I spend tons of time elaborating a perfect plan and before I know it, it's past my bedtime and that thing I really wanted to do gets pushed off, never to be completed.

For my 2012 Resolutions, I wrote four main categories, each with a main goal. I won't bother you with the details but these are my main resolutions.

• Health & Fitness - Find a plan that works for me and be consistent.
• Finances - Spend WAY less than I make/live far beneath my means.
• Artistically - Push myself beyond all known artistic limits.
• Personally - Stop holding myself back.
• Universally - Become a conscious consumer and focus on homesteading. (added)

What it comes down to is that my dreams require sacrifice. These sacrifices include lounging time, purchasing new things, going out to eat, spending wasteful time on the internet, eating foods that I know aren't bad for me. I will need to give up things that I have previously self-indulged in.

Sometimes I am terrified of myself. I have many moments in which I feel completely incapable of changing my bad habits. I have always described this being to my mother as a nefarious version of myself that is pulling me back and coercing me to do the things I know I shouldn't... I suppose it's another way of realizing my own "devil on the shoulder". These last few years have been pretty awful, on my own accord, of course. It's been dotted with ups and downs and being perfectly honest, the good to bad ratio is about 1:1. I'll spare the heartbreaking details, but the point is that I am ready to turn my life around.

This year is going to be tough because I am going to have to instill a great amount of self-ethics that have been virtually absent in some portions of my life. I will be sad from time to time but I know that by sacrificing going out to eat or buying a new pen or shirt that I don't need will give me more cushion in my savings account. I know that resisting the cupcakes my coworkers brought in will bring me even closer to my ideal body. I know that pushing myself to exhaustion while working out will improve my stamina and power. I know that working hard and long on my last year of school will mean that I leave with my degree and design skills beyond comparison.

I also need to believe that I can change. Believe that I have what it takes to be just as good as my idols.

And with that, I'm off to make the last hour of the first day of the year productive.